Mental Load vs. Emotional Load

It's no secret that being a mom is tough work. We carry the "mental load" around with us day after day. We know our kiddos shoe size, differing pants and shirt sizes, we set the doctor appointments, we do the grocery shopping (or order grocery delivery), we stay up to date on medications, trends, seemingly everything.

The mental load is exhausting, and it can easily (often) make us turn from tired mom to resentful wife as we realize all the little things we do that go unnoticed, but keep the family running.

I'm definitely guilty of this. I literally sat on the phone with one of my friends last week and just complained for a solid 20 minutes about all the mental load stuff I've been doing as we prepare to move. I came home and fought with my husband because our circumstances have left me carrying the team while he sits in an hour-long commute twice a day.

Then, he went out of town for a few days for a work conference.

I'll admit, I had a brief moment of pride yesterday as I successfully got Eva up, dressed, off to school, accomplished all my work, did the dishes, took out the trash, picked Eva up from school, bathed her, fed her, and got her off to bed - while 5 months pregnant! I felt like supermom (though it should be noted I did not shower).

This morning I noticed something.


Every morning, Eva has asked where Daddy is. This isn't uncommon, she often wakes up after he's left for work and I explain that he's at work and we'll see him tonight. Only, this time I couldn't say that. She has asked to call him several times each day so she can see his face. And when we do call him, he literally "plays" with her over video chat to the point she is belly laughing - hard. Somehow, he is a few hours away, I'm holding a phone up for my toddler, and he's still giving me a small mental break in my day.

As it turns out, over the past few days Eva's also been acting out at school. I racked my brain over what could be triggering her behavior - until this morning as Spencer "played" with her and chatted with her at 6:30am over video chat. Daddy is the patient one. He's the one that can take the whining and the crying and turn it into a conversation and something good. Daddy's the one that takes her on walks when she clearly needs to get some energy out. Daddy's the one to swoop in when mommy is about to lose her s**t because Eva wants chicken nuggets even though she asked for a PBJ.

I may carry the mental load, be the CFO, CEO, and hold all the other chief spots in the corporation that is the Ziegler home. But, Daddy is the angel investor who stays quiet most of the time, lets me run things my way and very rarely questions me - but is there to pull me out of a mess at the drop of a hat. Daddy is the reason Eva is the kind caring person she is - there's no doubt in my mind about that.

If I were to leave town for a few days, the home would likely fall apart and I'm sure I'd be flooded with texts and calls about the day-to-day stuff, but our kid would still be balanced and fulfilled (though, I'd like to think she'd still miss me). Maybe Spencer doesn't carry the mental load, but he carries the emotional load of two (almost three) females in his home - and he does it with so much love and compassion that tends to go unnoticed.

So, Z, thanks for being my emotional ShamWow, this house doesn't run the same without you here.