Project Zen Ashley - Update

It has been a little over a month since I started “Project Zen Ashley”, and I just wanted to check in with everyone. I have a sneaky feeling most of the people who still read this blog actually care about my life, and have watched me struggle with mental health over the years. I like to believe you all want the best for me and that you are genuinely interested in how I am working to manage all of this. And, if I can give some ideas to people who are also struggling right along with me, that’s an added bonus!

So, to start- the closet. Truthfully, I thought this would be a tough thing for me. I love to shop. I love retail therapy. I love putting on a new outfit and feeling sassy and going on a date with my handsome husband. I love the way a new shoe can make an old outfit feel totally different. I love experimenting with styles and trying new things.

Here’s the thing though, most of those new things just ended up being worn once and hanging in my closet. Ya’ll I found more than one article of clothing with tags on it. What a waste. The thing about that rush from a new outfit, or that sassy date top is that the high goes away. Once I came down,  I was left with a closet full of clothes that were experiments in style, or pieces of my soul that I was so desperately trying to fill (whoa, that got deep). Oh and a credit card payment to make.

Turns out just like I can’t starve or eat my way to fulfillment, I can’t shop my way there either.

This basic b***h is figuring out a lot. My coping mechanisms were slowly ruining me. My health, my finances, my well-being. I was literally to the point where I couldn’t just go out shopping for a shirt and feel satisfied, I had to drop $200 on things to feel like it was worth it. So, you can imagine what this was doing for my marriage as well. Thankfully, I married a trooper who somehow signed up for life with me despite all my issues. I am a very fortunate woman.

Anyway, I LOVE having a reduced closet. I didn’t go so far as to only have “33 items” like Project 333, and I didn’t limit myself in general. I kept what I loved, and I would ask myself “if I were shopping right now, would I buy this?” if the answer was no, it went to consignment. Since then, getting ready in the morning is a lot simpler because I am not overwhelmed with choices. I simply have a closet full of clothes that fit me and that I like. The only trouble I seem to have is “why is it so dang cold in May?” – which is a problem I’m perfectly capable of dealing with at 5:30am.

I have found that when I go to stores (like Target) I no longer feel the urge to buy things I don’t need. I still walk around, but it’s more for inspiration than anything. I don’t pick up clothes to try on, or throw pillows that “could look good”. I just go, buy my groceries, peruse the dollar section, and come home with a cart full of stuff I actually had on a list. It’s nuts. I think my husband probably wonders what the heck happened to me.

I’m also going to yoga an average of 4-5 times a week. It is amazing and refreshing. I can see myself getting stronger and more flexible. I love going in there even on my worst days and coming out in a better mood. It is a habit I don’t see myself giving up any time soon.

Spencer and I have also dedicated ourselves to a clean eating challenge. It started 90 days before my 31^st birthday (I was going to do something like this before 30, but I was miserably pregnant, sooooo 31 works too!). We are about 3 weeks in and the changes we have felt physically and emotionally are great. I can’t speak for him, but I can say I have more energy, am tired less, and while I still have anxious days – they are less frequent. I know this isn’t a new concept to about 99% of people, but it’s something I’m working really hard on. We’ve switched to organic options (within reason), and make dinner at home most nights. When we do go out now it’s a treat and not just because we’re feeling lazy. It has really changed us. By “us” I mostly mean me, because Spencer has always been a little better at all of this than me. I just love pizza, what can I say?

Overall Project Zen Ashley is going well. I am prioritizing the important things and enjoying life more. I get to wake up every day to a smiling baby girl (seriously, why can’t I wake up as happy as she does?!), I get to work for an organization that does good for people, and I get to come home to my husband who supports me and my ever-evolving mission to discover who I am.

For once, though, I think I’m finally figuring it out.