Yoga, Self-Help Books, Minimalism, and God
You know, I could split this many topics up into a few posts, but they are intertwined in my life right now so I figured I'd write one big post. Not to mention, I'm not really sure how many people read this blog and I doubt everyone is watering at the mouth waiting for the latest installment of "Ashley trying to figure out life", so one post is enough.
Though, I will say, after every post i get about 4 or 5 private messages from friends saying "you put into words how I feel!" so, maybe I'm doing something right. For that niche group of readers that actually do enjoy when they see a new post come up- here you go. I'm here with you, trying to figure it all out.
Lately, as I've tried to juggle this crazy life of mom, employee, wife, friend, and self thing; I've tried just about everything to make sense of it all. Here are my latest adventures in trying to fulfill whatever it is I'm looking to find:
Yoga
Yoga is one of the two "workouts" I have always come back to. Since high school I have taken classes here and there. I've always loved it, but often found that if I didn't "perfect" it, what was the point? (Ah, pretty much my life motto up until recently) I tried to go to classes while pregnant but found myself comparing my pregnant body to everyone else's. Seriously, something is wrong with you when you look at a woman further along in pregnancy and compare your belly to hers. Obviously my mission to zen at that point was nowhere near on track.
Recently, my favorite hot yoga studio, Arrichion, opened a new location 5 minutes from my house. I was thrilled because I used to go to this studio before Spencer and I started dating. But, once we moved out to North Raleigh the commute was just too long to make sense. Anyway, I have a whole new appreciation for yoga as a mom, because while I've always loved savasana, I cannot explain to you the peace I get from one hour of a workout practice where I have to be present. Your mind can't really wander during yoga. If you actually concentrate on your breathing and how it affects your movement, you truly get deeper into poses and find yourself progressing after each class. For someone who has barely been able to sit still since Eva arrived, it is refreshing.
I was sick for a week, and low on energy for the week following and today was my first class back since then. It was really really tough, but I can tell a significant difference in my attitude today from the past two weeks. I may not be the most fit or the most flexible yogi in the class, but I'm not there for them, I am finally there for me.
Self-Help Books
If you know me at all, you know my love of self-help books. Seriously the amount I have in my library is a bit obnoxious. My mother-in-law actually articulated why I love them quite well, "you read them and you feel like, 'oh, thank God! I'm not the only one!'" They are these books that are able to put into words how your heart and soul feel, and able to empower you all at once. I love the feeling. I love knowing I'm not alone and that someone came out of this on the other side (whatever "this" topic is).
My latest love is called "Chasing Slow" by Erin Loechner. I have also learned that she's from Fort Wayne, IN! What?! So funny, once I was told that, so many of her stories made me feel cozy. From her home on Winterfield to her stories about Coney Island (she likes extra onions). An added touch of home made this book even better.
But aside from that, she writes about her pursuit of less. Her relationship with God. Her need for perfection. Her husband's terminal illness. Bankruptcy. A move from LA back to Fort Wayne.
It's a lot to digest, but in a good way. She spoke so many truths and made my heart soften throughout the book. I didn't read this book in a couple days like most my self-help books. This one made me stop. Think. Reflect. I can safely say, none of my other self-help books have done that for me. None of my other books have put into words my sins as a wife (I give you X to show you my love for you, I am waiting for you to give me Y in return). My sins as a mom, a perfectionist, a friend, an employee. She doesn't point them out in a "you need to repent" kind of way, but in a "me too; it's a struggle" kind of way. I can't say enough good things about this book and I would buy every single person I know a copy if I could afford it. But I cant. I can simply tell you to pick it up because maybe, like it did for me, it will change you and bring you a little closer to the zen you want to be.
Minimalism
One of the things Erin talks about in Chasing Slow is striving for a life of minimalism. I'll be honest, when I first heard of this movement all I could think was "I don't want to live in a home full of black and white and unstained wood." You all know what I'm talking about (see photo). To me, that is not a home, a place of refuge. That is cold and unwelcome.
But as I continued to look into the minimalist movement, it isn't about getting rid of everything and living life with 45 things and that's it. I mean, some people do that and that's cool. That's how they want to do it. But the movement is more flexible than that. It can be pretty much whatever you want it to be.
What I've come to find is that my time is so much more valuable now than it ever was before. Every hour I give to something/someone is an hour taken from me, Eva, and/or Spencer. Sorry ya'll, Spencer and Eva are my people (and this girl needs me-time too). So, I am trying to think of a dollar as time, rather than money. For instance, if I pick up a vase in the store I will think "how many hours of my life would it take to pay for this vase? Is it worth it?" Sure, that time has already been spent making that money, but maybe thats an hour down the road I don't have to work, when I can finally work part time to be the mom I'd like to be.
For me, my goal is to be intentional about what I purchase and what I own. To fill my home with joy and love and value. Do I "need" the decor on my mantle? No, but it makes me feel warm and cozy and brings me joy, so it's worth it. I am starting a "capsule wardrobe" later this week while I'm off work. My closet is a mess full of things I don't need and have probably bought to make me feel happy at one time. So, I'll write a post about that once I've done it.
God
I won't lie to you, God and I were in a fight for a long long time. It's never been that I don't believe in him, just that I didn't like the lessons he was teaching me. This was particularly true in 2015. By 2016 I was at least not angry with him anymore, but I was a little indifferent. Our relationship has been a rocky one, but I've always known he's there. I just have a problem letting go of my own plans to accept his.
Shocker, I know.
Anyway, every Sunday for the past 2 1/2 years my husband asks me to go to Church with him. Most Sundays I groan and say I don't want to. And trust me, after I went to yoga this morning I REALLY didn't want to (it was my first class in two weeks, and I thought it was a more mellow class, only to find out it's a tougher cardio hot yoga class that I was not physically or mentally prepared for). But, I hustled home, showered, and got to church. It was one of those sermons where I'm pretty sure the pastor was talking to me. He spoke about how "we were never meant to do it alone." Life, motherhood, marriage, friendship. None of it. We keep telling ourselves if we just work hard enough we can get it done and we can do it on our own. But, we don't have to.
I held back tears and took a very deep breath.
Literally, all of these things have been impacting my life in just the past week. I'm finally getting it. It's all coming together. The journey to Zen is slowly taking shape. I will stumble and I will fail along the way. I will probably beat myself up for the failure too. But, for the first time in what feels like years, I am starting to be a little more at peace. My mind, body, heart, and soul are coming together finally.
I've decided that this is the "kind" of mom I want to be. A Zen mom (haha ok, I'll stop saying Zen now). I want to be in a place where I can practice patience and forgiveness with Eva. And on those days where I have to grit my teeth and try really hard, at least I know I will have to tools to get back to that place of peace.
Work In Progress. Ha, my new life motto.
Though, I will say, after every post i get about 4 or 5 private messages from friends saying "you put into words how I feel!" so, maybe I'm doing something right. For that niche group of readers that actually do enjoy when they see a new post come up- here you go. I'm here with you, trying to figure it all out.
Lately, as I've tried to juggle this crazy life of mom, employee, wife, friend, and self thing; I've tried just about everything to make sense of it all. Here are my latest adventures in trying to fulfill whatever it is I'm looking to find:
Yoga
Yoga is one of the two "workouts" I have always come back to. Since high school I have taken classes here and there. I've always loved it, but often found that if I didn't "perfect" it, what was the point? (Ah, pretty much my life motto up until recently) I tried to go to classes while pregnant but found myself comparing my pregnant body to everyone else's. Seriously, something is wrong with you when you look at a woman further along in pregnancy and compare your belly to hers. Obviously my mission to zen at that point was nowhere near on track.
I was sick for a week, and low on energy for the week following and today was my first class back since then. It was really really tough, but I can tell a significant difference in my attitude today from the past two weeks. I may not be the most fit or the most flexible yogi in the class, but I'm not there for them, I am finally there for me.
Self-Help Books
If you know me at all, you know my love of self-help books. Seriously the amount I have in my library is a bit obnoxious. My mother-in-law actually articulated why I love them quite well, "you read them and you feel like, 'oh, thank God! I'm not the only one!'" They are these books that are able to put into words how your heart and soul feel, and able to empower you all at once. I love the feeling. I love knowing I'm not alone and that someone came out of this on the other side (whatever "this" topic is).My latest love is called "Chasing Slow" by Erin Loechner. I have also learned that she's from Fort Wayne, IN! What?! So funny, once I was told that, so many of her stories made me feel cozy. From her home on Winterfield to her stories about Coney Island (she likes extra onions). An added touch of home made this book even better.
But aside from that, she writes about her pursuit of less. Her relationship with God. Her need for perfection. Her husband's terminal illness. Bankruptcy. A move from LA back to Fort Wayne.
It's a lot to digest, but in a good way. She spoke so many truths and made my heart soften throughout the book. I didn't read this book in a couple days like most my self-help books. This one made me stop. Think. Reflect. I can safely say, none of my other self-help books have done that for me. None of my other books have put into words my sins as a wife (I give you X to show you my love for you, I am waiting for you to give me Y in return). My sins as a mom, a perfectionist, a friend, an employee. She doesn't point them out in a "you need to repent" kind of way, but in a "me too; it's a struggle" kind of way. I can't say enough good things about this book and I would buy every single person I know a copy if I could afford it. But I cant. I can simply tell you to pick it up because maybe, like it did for me, it will change you and bring you a little closer to the zen you want to be.
Minimalism
One of the things Erin talks about in Chasing Slow is striving for a life of minimalism. I'll be honest, when I first heard of this movement all I could think was "I don't want to live in a home full of black and white and unstained wood." You all know what I'm talking about (see photo). To me, that is not a home, a place of refuge. That is cold and unwelcome.
But as I continued to look into the minimalist movement, it isn't about getting rid of everything and living life with 45 things and that's it. I mean, some people do that and that's cool. That's how they want to do it. But the movement is more flexible than that. It can be pretty much whatever you want it to be.What I've come to find is that my time is so much more valuable now than it ever was before. Every hour I give to something/someone is an hour taken from me, Eva, and/or Spencer. Sorry ya'll, Spencer and Eva are my people (and this girl needs me-time too). So, I am trying to think of a dollar as time, rather than money. For instance, if I pick up a vase in the store I will think "how many hours of my life would it take to pay for this vase? Is it worth it?" Sure, that time has already been spent making that money, but maybe thats an hour down the road I don't have to work, when I can finally work part time to be the mom I'd like to be.
For me, my goal is to be intentional about what I purchase and what I own. To fill my home with joy and love and value. Do I "need" the decor on my mantle? No, but it makes me feel warm and cozy and brings me joy, so it's worth it. I am starting a "capsule wardrobe" later this week while I'm off work. My closet is a mess full of things I don't need and have probably bought to make me feel happy at one time. So, I'll write a post about that once I've done it.
God
I won't lie to you, God and I were in a fight for a long long time. It's never been that I don't believe in him, just that I didn't like the lessons he was teaching me. This was particularly true in 2015. By 2016 I was at least not angry with him anymore, but I was a little indifferent. Our relationship has been a rocky one, but I've always known he's there. I just have a problem letting go of my own plans to accept his.
Shocker, I know.
Anyway, every Sunday for the past 2 1/2 years my husband asks me to go to Church with him. Most Sundays I groan and say I don't want to. And trust me, after I went to yoga this morning I REALLY didn't want to (it was my first class in two weeks, and I thought it was a more mellow class, only to find out it's a tougher cardio hot yoga class that I was not physically or mentally prepared for). But, I hustled home, showered, and got to church. It was one of those sermons where I'm pretty sure the pastor was talking to me. He spoke about how "we were never meant to do it alone." Life, motherhood, marriage, friendship. None of it. We keep telling ourselves if we just work hard enough we can get it done and we can do it on our own. But, we don't have to.I held back tears and took a very deep breath.
Literally, all of these things have been impacting my life in just the past week. I'm finally getting it. It's all coming together. The journey to Zen is slowly taking shape. I will stumble and I will fail along the way. I will probably beat myself up for the failure too. But, for the first time in what feels like years, I am starting to be a little more at peace. My mind, body, heart, and soul are coming together finally.
I've decided that this is the "kind" of mom I want to be. A Zen mom (haha ok, I'll stop saying Zen now). I want to be in a place where I can practice patience and forgiveness with Eva. And on those days where I have to grit my teeth and try really hard, at least I know I will have to tools to get back to that place of peace.
Work In Progress. Ha, my new life motto.
ZEN!!!! Love you :)
ReplyDeleteA financial budgeting thing I learned is related to your part about time spent. So before budgeting your money, first budget your time. What hours do you spend at work? How many on dates? Yoga? Reading? Family play? Then invest money in those activities which you spend time doing and will enjoy.
Example: if you spend a lot of time reading with Eva, invest in the lumber to build a cool bookcase in her room or a reading nook.
I loved that little lesson and I think about that a lot now and if a purchase with actually be worth it or necessary.
That is so smart!!! Doing that! Also a good chunk of my time is spent relaxing watching Netflix so the mantle decor is worth it 😜
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