Living together: An Early Review
All of my girlfriends told me it would be an adjustment living with Spencer. I expected that. I expected to feel overwhelmed, to fight, to probably cry. You can have all the expectations in the world, though, and still not really be prepared.
Let me preface this post by saying that I've never been good at living with someone. My college roomie, Katie, can attest to this. She will likely tell you the story of the day she came back to the dorm and we got into a fight over who had the top bunk bed (yes, we were young adults arguing over this...). I'm a neat freak. I've never been good at sharing. I was the baby of my family and ask my sister- I was (am) treated that way. Living with Spencer has to be a thousand times easier than living with me. I know this.
No one can prepare you for that first shock of living with someone. Spencer has made me cry a total of two times in our relationship. One of which was over a pork roast one morning that he forgot to take from the freezer to the fridge the night before. I'm not joking. I left the house that morning in tears over a pork roast. We had screamed at each other and I stormed off. I sat in my car at a light on the way to work with tears rolling down my face wondering how in the world I was going to do this. Seriously, a pork roast.
He has ruined more items of clothing than we care to admit in his noble attempt to do the laundry. After the latest shirt, he simply sighed and said a half-hearted "sorry". He was drained from feeling like he never did anything right, I was pissed off because yet another item of clothing was ruined and he hadn't even offered to replace it (or any of the other previous articles that fell victim). We yelled at each other. I texted my mom "living with Spencer will surely be my death". Coincidentally, my whole family was at my sister's at the time and they all laughed and told me that my dad and brother-in-law are no longer allowed to do my mom/sister's laundry anymore for the same reason.
His attention to detail? It's non-existent. He will look at a crooked picture and shrug his shoulders. I'll follow behind him and make him get the toolbox BACK out and fix it. I got into a (very bad) habit of simply scowling and saying, "attention to detail" every time he did something that was (in my opinion) wrong.
Finally, I'm not even joking, the man asked me (ashamed) last week "so, um, where do we keep the broom?". Seriously? We've been living here 6 weeks.
I understand now why everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest. It is not the relationship that is hard, it's this adjustment. It's learning to share. Learning to compromise. Having to ask my fiance over and over to please keep my diet in mind when he's making dinner. It's feeling like a nag and feeling horrible about it- and seeing how horrible he feels when you do it. It's the burned honey glazed chicken. The over-committing to events and never spending time with each other despite living together. It is exhausting. It's really hard. It was especially hard for me, because I've never done this before. He has. I felt like a crazy person for having such a hard time adjusting and him just sitting back and watching, and waiting for me to get over it all.
However, I wouldn't take it back, because it's also really rewarding. He is hands down my favorite roommate of all time (sorry Katie and Amber!). He may have his flaws, but the man brings me a diet coke in bed when I'm hungover, and I get full on breakfast in bed just about every weekend. I have someone to laugh at "Bob's Burgers" with every night before bed (even if he does snore through the night). I have someone who notices if I sleep through my alarm and wakes me up.
When we were in Costa Rica last weekend, we had 5 straight days where we were only with each other. No phone interruptions. No wedding talk. No house talk. No bills. Just the two of us. We had an amazing time. We have been so busy planning our future that we have not been enjoying our present. I am embarrassed that we needed that time to reconnect so soon into our relationship, but it changed my perspective. It reminded me why I said yes to spending the rest of my life with him.
Unfortunately, we couldn't stay in our Costa Rica bubble forever. But this gave me hope for the future. When we have kids someday, I know that we will be overwhelmed again, and if we can somehow find a way to step back and find time for an Ashley/Spencer bubble, I know we will find our way back to each other. We will remember why we work and that we are always fighting for the same goal, not just fighting.
No one could have ever prepared me for this.
Let me preface this post by saying that I've never been good at living with someone. My college roomie, Katie, can attest to this. She will likely tell you the story of the day she came back to the dorm and we got into a fight over who had the top bunk bed (yes, we were young adults arguing over this...). I'm a neat freak. I've never been good at sharing. I was the baby of my family and ask my sister- I was (am) treated that way. Living with Spencer has to be a thousand times easier than living with me. I know this.
No one can prepare you for that first shock of living with someone. Spencer has made me cry a total of two times in our relationship. One of which was over a pork roast one morning that he forgot to take from the freezer to the fridge the night before. I'm not joking. I left the house that morning in tears over a pork roast. We had screamed at each other and I stormed off. I sat in my car at a light on the way to work with tears rolling down my face wondering how in the world I was going to do this. Seriously, a pork roast.
He has ruined more items of clothing than we care to admit in his noble attempt to do the laundry. After the latest shirt, he simply sighed and said a half-hearted "sorry". He was drained from feeling like he never did anything right, I was pissed off because yet another item of clothing was ruined and he hadn't even offered to replace it (or any of the other previous articles that fell victim). We yelled at each other. I texted my mom "living with Spencer will surely be my death". Coincidentally, my whole family was at my sister's at the time and they all laughed and told me that my dad and brother-in-law are no longer allowed to do my mom/sister's laundry anymore for the same reason.
His attention to detail? It's non-existent. He will look at a crooked picture and shrug his shoulders. I'll follow behind him and make him get the toolbox BACK out and fix it. I got into a (very bad) habit of simply scowling and saying, "attention to detail" every time he did something that was (in my opinion) wrong.
Finally, I'm not even joking, the man asked me (ashamed) last week "so, um, where do we keep the broom?". Seriously? We've been living here 6 weeks.
I understand now why everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest. It is not the relationship that is hard, it's this adjustment. It's learning to share. Learning to compromise. Having to ask my fiance over and over to please keep my diet in mind when he's making dinner. It's feeling like a nag and feeling horrible about it- and seeing how horrible he feels when you do it. It's the burned honey glazed chicken. The over-committing to events and never spending time with each other despite living together. It is exhausting. It's really hard. It was especially hard for me, because I've never done this before. He has. I felt like a crazy person for having such a hard time adjusting and him just sitting back and watching, and waiting for me to get over it all.
However, I wouldn't take it back, because it's also really rewarding. He is hands down my favorite roommate of all time (sorry Katie and Amber!). He may have his flaws, but the man brings me a diet coke in bed when I'm hungover, and I get full on breakfast in bed just about every weekend. I have someone to laugh at "Bob's Burgers" with every night before bed (even if he does snore through the night). I have someone who notices if I sleep through my alarm and wakes me up.
When we were in Costa Rica last weekend, we had 5 straight days where we were only with each other. No phone interruptions. No wedding talk. No house talk. No bills. Just the two of us. We had an amazing time. We have been so busy planning our future that we have not been enjoying our present. I am embarrassed that we needed that time to reconnect so soon into our relationship, but it changed my perspective. It reminded me why I said yes to spending the rest of my life with him.
Unfortunately, we couldn't stay in our Costa Rica bubble forever. But this gave me hope for the future. When we have kids someday, I know that we will be overwhelmed again, and if we can somehow find a way to step back and find time for an Ashley/Spencer bubble, I know we will find our way back to each other. We will remember why we work and that we are always fighting for the same goal, not just fighting.
No one could have ever prepared me for this.
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