Check On Your People In 2020

 If you're looking for a resolution for 2020, skip the ones you'll inevitably give up on (like, waking up at 5 a.m. to work if you aren't a morning person *she said to herself*). Instead, consider making a pointed effort to regularly check in with the people you love.

It doesn't take much to show someone you care. A quick text every few weeks, sharing a funny meme with a little note, or even a short call to catch up (I personally go the text route, but if you like to talk on the phone, you do you).

I'm saying this because I'm quite sure I would not have survived 2019 without my people checking in on me. It wasn't a bad year, but it wasn't my favorite. Over the course of 12 months, I sold a home, bought a new one (45 minutes away from my sister and friends), was put on modified bed rest, spent a week in the hospital in painful labor, had a horrifying labor/delivery at 34 weeks, coped with leaving my newborn in the NICU, was diagnosed with postpartum depression (again), experienced postpartum PTSD (something I didn't even know was a thing until I had it), went back to work full time only to get laid off three weeks later, became a stay-at-home mom, got a (wonderful) new part-time job and became a part-time stay-at-home mom, then, ya know, the holidays happened.

Throughout the roller coaster, even in my darkest moments, I never felt alone. I may have felt alone in my experience (because there aren't many people you can talk to about postpartum PTSD and the NICU) but I never felt left alone or forgotten by my people.

I'm a natural introvert, so my friends and family are used to me going silent for a few days every now and then (a girl has got to recharge!). However, they know that if I'm quiet for too long, its because I am withdrawing from them - and likely from life. There were a lot of times over the last 12 months where all of my energy was spent merely trying to keep my kids alive, my home running, and my head above water. I simply didn't have the time, or the will, to be social. Still, the invites didn't stop. Even though they knew I'd probably say no, my friends continued to invite me to gatherings. Even when I tried my best to just sink into the shadows, my people would send a text or a meme to make sure I was okay or simply to help bring a smile to my face.

When both I and Indy first came home from the hospital, my PTSD was so bad that I wouldn't leave the house, I wouldn't let Spencer leave my side, and I wouldn't allow anyone to come over. My friends, who wanted nothing more than love on us and our new baby waited patiently until I was ready for them to come over - and they checked in just enough to let me know they were there but not so much it was overwhelming. Even when I got past the initial hard part, I still had to deal with the postpartum depression, and they continued to give me space while still letting me know they were there for me.

So, here's why I'm telling you to check on your people - because even if they don't respond, even if they never accept your invitation, and even if you feel like they don't trust you because they're not confiding in you - they still need you.

Friends don't just disappear out of nowhere. If you have no idea why someone isn't responding to you or seems to have ghosted you, they're probably going through something. If they're not ready to talk to you about it, don't take it personally. They may be trying to cope with it themselves, and if they haven't come to terms with it they aren't going to be able to express or verbalize it to you.

Instead of internalizing it, recognize it as a cry for help. Don't insert yourself into their life, but find a way to let them know you're there. Leave a cup of Starbucks, a muffin, and a note at their door so they don't have to socialize if they're not ready. Send some cupcakes. Get in touch with their spouse to see if there's anything you can do. Have your kid draw them a picture and snail mail it to them. Seriously, just do something to let them know you're there. It may take six months, but they'll come around and thank you.

To those people who have been quietly (or loudly) showing up for me this year - THANK YOU. I don't typically do resolutions, but this year I am resolving to return the favor and check in with the people I love more often.

Finally, to anyone struggling right now, know that you are not alone. You may feel lonely but you are not alone. Take as long as you need to, and rest assured knowing that the people who matter will be there waiting for you with open arms whenever you're ready.