What I've Learned Since The Birth Of My Second Baby

Tomorrow, Indy is 5 weeks old. Still, she's only 39 weeks gestational age today. It's simultaneously hard to believe it's already been 5 weeks, and that it's only been 5 weeks. Spencer and I knew Indy would come early, it was just a matter of when. I'm thankful we were able to keep her growing in my belly for 34 weeks (with the help of a lot of medical intervention), but somehow we were still a little blindsided by her arrival. It's been a whirlwind, to say the least.

I'm finding the second baby to be significantly different than my experience with my first. Basically, everything has been different this time around from start to finish. There are parts of this experience that have been beautiful and better than it was with Eva, and parts that have left their mark on me.

• I really love my husband. Seriously, I spent 5 solid days in a hospital room with him on bedrest (that was before I even got induced), followed by my delivery/recovery, THEN spent another 3 1/2 weeks at home with him during his leave. Through all that time, I never got sick of him. I needed him there through all of that - I don't think I would have lasted without him.
  
• I trust myself as a mom so much more this time around. One of my closest friends had her first baby two weeks before I had Indy. We've spent our leaves texting each other about our babies and our days. I feel for her because so much of what she's going through is how I felt with Eva (though, her baby has colic so she gets extra mommy points in my book). I worried constantly and didn't know if I was doing things right. This time, I know when to call the doctor, when to keep an eye on something, and when to just give my kid some gas drops and call it a day.
  
• Eva is so big! Up until I brought Indy home, I considered Eva my baby still. I can still (sort of) carry her and snuggle her. But as soon as I brought an infant in the house Eva seemed like a teenager. I'm both sad and happy over this. On one hand, she's such a big girl and I love the tiny person she's grown into but on the other hand, I'm realizing just how fast time actually is passing (don't get me wrong, the days are looonnngggg).
  
• It really does take a village. I know that's cliche but it's true. In my case, that village got me through a really, really tough period. My friends listened with kindness and gave me so much grace while I processed a traumatic birth and NICU experience. They checked in on me almost every day and allowed me to have the space I needed before coming to visit. I can't thank my friends enough for being there for me - what may have been a small gesture to them meant the world to me.
  
• The NICU sucks. I hope none of my friends ever have to experience it. I had to wait 3.5 excruciating hours before I got to meet my baby and when I finally did she was sedated, connected to a million machines, and had a breathing tube. It was over 12 hours before I could hold her for the first time, and days before I got to see her face without anything strapped to it. Indy only stayed for 6 days, and it hit us hard, the parents whose kids are in there for weeks and months are truly rock stars.
  
• Birth trauma is real. I thought my labor/delivery with Eva was rough, but it was nothing compared to mine with Indy. I won't go into details, mostly because I still have trouble doing so, but I spent hours asking the doctors what was going on and not getting a straight answer. They constantly told me they were watching the baby's heartrate on the monitor to make sure she wasn't in distress. That was all well and good, but I kept thinking, "what about me?" and got to the point where I wondered if I was going to die because no one was talking to me. I went to several counseling sessions following birth and have processed my emotions and am healing from my experience but I don't know that I'll ever be able to go into a hospital without anxiety again. 

I've learned a lot more, but those are the big points. Life has definitely changed with two kids, but mostly for the better. I know the sleepless nights are numbered and everyone is healthy and safe at home now. I have no idea how I'll navigate the inevitable sibling fights in the years to come, but for now, I'm going to enjoy feeling like I know what I'm doing. 

Huge thank you to everyone who has been there for us through this transition - we couldn't have done it without each of you!