#GoVote #MeToo #ThrowbackThursday and Other Hashtags

I have a lot of feelings right now - think of me as the random girl who “doesn’t even go here” in Mean Girls. These feelings can best be summarized by the phrase: What the actual f*@k?

Tuesday, NC senator Richard Burr released an official statement on the #MeToo allegations against Brett Kavanaugh. More or less, one of the old white dudes tasked with looking out for MY best interest in the state of NC said he’d be voting in favor of Kavanaugh’s appointment, regardless of what Christine Blasey Ford (who has accused Kavanaugh of sexual assault) says in her hearing today.

It’s not just him who made up his mind well before she took the stand. I’ve heard a lot of people talking about how this is just the Democrats trying to stop the confirmation process, how Ford is very vocal about being anti Trump, and how it’s all too convenient. There are a lot of things that baffle me about these presumptions, but I’m not going to dig deep into conspiracies, and left vs right. I’m not going to pour salt in the open gaping wound that is our country’s political divide.

There is a reason #MeToo is even a trending hashtag. Do women lie about assault sometimes? Yep. And when they do, they should absolutely be punished for it. However, why is it that the accused are innocent until proven guilty but the accusers are liars until proven otherwise?

Most of us have a #MeToo moment. For me, I fared pretty well. Once, when I was a Junior in high school, I lied to my parents about where I was going for the night and my best friend and I visited an older friend at a college about 90 min away from home. We went to a house party where we took some jell-o shots - at the time we had no idea how completely idiotic it is to take pre-made drinks from someone’s home that you don’t know. After *maybe* three jell-o shots she and I were sloppy drunk. I mean, seriously sloppy. Thankfully we were with a male friend who was trustworthy and got us back to the dorms safely. The next morning we could only assume there had been something in those shots because most of the night was seriously hazy - too hazy for three jell-o shots.

Then, there was another time we visited that same school. Same circumstances - lying to my parents. This time, my drink to intoxication ratio was more accurate. I ended up meeting a guy on my friend’s dorm floor and we were hitting it off. By the end of the night we were kissing but he kept pushing things further. I vividly remember a sinking feeling in my stomach and just wanting to get out of there. He kept pushing and pushing and I even said “stop” and he responded with “no.” After a little aggression (and panic), I was eventually able to get out of the situation - again I fared well.

There are a few things I want to point out about these stories: 1. If something worse would have happened and I’d have taken either of these stories to court, I would have been profiled as a “party girl” who lied to her parents, drank as a minor, and went to college parties despite being in high school. All true. But does that mean I deserved to be (probably) roofied or that my saying “no” is invalid? 2. Isn’t it gross that I think being (probably) roofied and being assaulted but not raped is faring well? I mean, it is, but these things shouldn’t even be happening in the first place.

These are just the worst of my stories. I can’t count how many times I’ve been grabbed without consent or spoken to in a way no gentleman should speak to a lady. I even got a (very, very invasive) breast reduction when I was 22 because I had been sexualized and made to feel like my breasts were all anyone saw of me since I started developing at age 11. ELEVEN YEARS of feeling like nothing more than a set of boobs. Believe me, that influenced my behavior and how I felt about myself for years - even after the surgery. But hey, boys will be boys, right?

So, here I am now, all these years later (again, I fared well). I don’t carry too much of this with me on a daily basis, but when I think back on these experiences, I get that sick feeling in my stomach again.

Meanwhile, I am seeing in real-time that the people leading this country still think it’s okay to stifle the women speaking up about “uneventful” assaults. I am left wondering how I will raise my daughter in a climate like this. Where the president can cheat on his wife while she HEALS FROM CHILDBIRTH and no one bats an eye. In a culture where women voted for a man who was recorded saying he uses his fame and power to grab women by the “p@$$y” and who narrows down a woman’s value simply to her appearance. How can I raise a strong, confident, and assertive woman in this culture?

All I can do is vote. I can push for change. I can tell Eva that she’s worth so much more than her looks every single day. And, I can share my stories - even just through a blog post - and hope that maybe someone will take a step back and vote differently next time. Or, at the very least, someone won’t be so quick to judge a victim.

So, to the people who made up their minds about Ford before she ever got to speak, I ask you this: What if Kavanaugh had been that guy I encountered back in high school? Would you believe me if I spoke up?