The First Rule of Fight Club Is...
I like to think the world of motherhood is much like the premise behind Fight Club (follow me here, I think I have a good analogy.....or I'm just completely exhausted from having solo toddler duty for the third straight Saturday in a row).
I know what you're thinking, "The first rule of fight club mom club is that we don't talk about fight club mom club." How silly, a group of moms fighting each other. I like to think they don't hit but just fight each other passive aggressively, "Oh, sure, Kristen, I will be happy to put you down for bringing paper plates to the daycare party" (2 hrs later) "oh no! when I got to the sign up sheet all that was left were gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, peanut-free cupcakes so I signed you up for them! Remember, they can't be store bought!" (meanwhile I signed up for plastic utensils).
Yes, that's exactly how mom club would go. Kristen would be the mom who preaches to all the other moms about her perfect home. The gourmet dinners she manages to put on the table for her whole family after a full day of work - and is sure to tell everyone that her son just LOVED that cauliflower crust pizza! She also posted a picture on instagram of her family eating said meal. Her toddler is somehow using a fork and knife perfectly and there are no crumbs on the floor.
Kristen, you are the reason there's a mom club.
Kristen is the equivalent of Tyler Durden saying, "All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I f*$% the way you wanna f*$%, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not."
And the truth is, the first rule of this mom club really is that we don't talk about it. For some reason, no one talks about the fact that there is absolutely no way in hell Kristen's life is anything like that Instagram photo. Kristen's husband could be having an affair, or her toddler may be showing early signs of autism, or Kristen may be on the verge of an epic breakdown. But all we see is her perfection.
For some reason, women love to compete with each other (I say this completely from my own experience). We live in this weird messed up world where we are expected to do it all and do it all well. We aren't allowed to look weak. We are bad parents if we have days where we truly don't want to be around our kids. We are unattractive if we aren't a size 2. We are bad moms if we send our kids to daycare or, god forbid!, feed our babies formula (guilty of both- hey!). But, if we don't send our kids to daycare, we are failures because we aren't smashing the patriarchy. It's this sick and toxic world where the only way to make ourselves feel better is to make everyone else believe we have it all together. Fake it til you make it, I suppose.
We cannot win. Not against each other and not against ourselves.
Here's the thing, though, we all know - deep inside us - that that perfectly staged Christmas card photo is one of at least 45 shots of the kids not looking at the camera or picking their noses. Yet, for some reason we allow ourselves to believe the false narrative, we allow ourselves to think that that family really IS having a Christmas that is so "merry and bright" while we are over here forgetting to move the f*$%ing elf.....again.
Walk down the self-help aisle at a bookstore (aka my favorite section!) and you will see countless books and memoirs about moms who really don't have it all together. I own probably six of those books, because I've bought them in times I felt like I was falling short and I needed someone, even if it was a random author, to make me feel less alone and like I'm not failing at everything.
So, ladies, this is my formal resignation from the mom club. I don't want to compete with any of you. If you feel the need to post your perfectly cleaned home, you do you. If I post that picture it's likely because I just want evidence that at one time my floors were actually mopped.
If ever I post something that makes it seem like my life is perfection, please know that is a snapshot - a second- of a 24 hour day with an 18-month-old. Life is not butterflies and rainbows in this home. There are moments that get me through, but between them I'm likely reading another self-help or parenting book because I don't know what the heck I am doing and I'm about four minutes away from rocking back and forth in the corner.
Stop believing the lies, everyone. Kristen is not who she claims to be. I have it on very good authority that her six pack is contoured on by Kim Kardashian's makeup artist.
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| Hungover/Asleep at a kids' party |
Yes, that's exactly how mom club would go. Kristen would be the mom who preaches to all the other moms about her perfect home. The gourmet dinners she manages to put on the table for her whole family after a full day of work - and is sure to tell everyone that her son just LOVED that cauliflower crust pizza! She also posted a picture on instagram of her family eating said meal. Her toddler is somehow using a fork and knife perfectly and there are no crumbs on the floor.
 |
| Eva, with pooh smeared on her face |
Kristen, you are the reason there's a mom club.
Kristen is the equivalent of Tyler Durden saying, "All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I f*$% the way you wanna f*$%, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not."
And the truth is, the first rule of this mom club really is that we don't talk about it. For some reason, no one talks about the fact that there is absolutely no way in hell Kristen's life is anything like that Instagram photo. Kristen's husband could be having an affair, or her toddler may be showing early signs of autism, or Kristen may be on the verge of an epic breakdown. But all we see is her perfection.
 |
| A bruise after she got her head stuck in coco's pet gate |
We cannot win. Not against each other and not against ourselves.
 |
| Me, sleeping on my bathroom floor after catching Eva's stomach flu |
Walk down the self-help aisle at a bookstore (aka my favorite section!) and you will see countless books and memoirs about moms who really don't have it all together. I own probably six of those books, because I've bought them in times I felt like I was falling short and I needed someone, even if it was a random author, to make me feel less alone and like I'm not failing at everything.
So, ladies, this is my formal resignation from the mom club. I don't want to compete with any of you. If you feel the need to post your perfectly cleaned home, you do you. If I post that picture it's likely because I just want evidence that at one time my floors were actually mopped.
If ever I post something that makes it seem like my life is perfection, please know that is a snapshot - a second- of a 24 hour day with an 18-month-old. Life is not butterflies and rainbows in this home. There are moments that get me through, but between them I'm likely reading another self-help or parenting book because I don't know what the heck I am doing and I'm about four minutes away from rocking back and forth in the corner.
Stop believing the lies, everyone. Kristen is not who she claims to be. I have it on very good authority that her six pack is contoured on by Kim Kardashian's makeup artist.
 |
| Behind the scenes at our Christmas photo family session |
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