In less than two weeks, Eva will be one year old. I am still wrapping my head around the fact that I'm a mom, let alone a mom to a toddler. I look back on this past year and wonder where in the heck it went. While I was on maternity leave, exhausted, bored, and coping with postpartum depression and anxiety strangers would gaze at my baby, tell me all about their children (most of which are now grown) and tell me the days are long but the years are short. I wanted to kick those people. I was in the thick of it, I knew the days were long. But, now I understand that the years really are short. I also understand staring at someone else's baby, thinking fondly of the days of snuggles and coos, somehow forgetting the endless crying and spit-up stained clothes. I'm only a year in and I miss the baby Eva once was. I am sad when I think the first few months of her life were such a struggle and I didn't enjoy her as much as I could have. Most of all, I'm sad that I only get 17 more rounds of this until she is (hopefully) in college.
That all being said, I have learned a lot over the past year, and in the spirit of pure honest and the sisterhood of mothers, I decided to share my personal list of top 10 things every new mom needs to hear:
10. You WILL fit into your skinny jeans again
I know you're probably sitting there 9 months pregnant and swollen everywhere, or you've just come home from the hospital somehow looking more pregnant now than you did when you peed on a stick. No matter what pre-mom-you thought, you will not be spending maternity leave working out during your newborn's naps, and you will not magically eat a super healthy diet since you no longer have the pregnancy excuse (in fact, you'll be lucky to grab a handful of cereal now and then). Relax, the weight will come off naturally, no vigorous exercise or crash diet necessary.
9. You will understand why some women shake their babies
Hopefully you fight the urge (seriously, do NOT give in!), but you'll get it. When its 3am and you've been trying to get your baby down for an hour and a half, while your partner snores in the other room and you have exhausted all soothing options, you'll get the urge. The best thing to do is wake up said partner and tap out. You will also likely cry when you process the thought that just went through your head. As long as you didn't act, though, you're normal it's all okay.
8. Suck it up and take the baby's temp rectally
It's scary. It's gross. It's really uncomfortable for everyone involved. It's also the best method, and what your pediatrician will ask you to do.
7. Whatever choice you make regarding work/staying home is the best choice
Don't let the mommy shamers get you down. You can never win with them anyway. If you want a full time, high heel wearing, corporate executive career- break that glass ceiling! If you want to stay home all day every day soaking up smiles and wiping tears - you are equally powerful. If you land somewhere between the two, you are a rockstar and a master in the art of juggling.
6. If you find yourself crying more than normal - tell someone
Whether it is your partner, your sister, your mom, best friend, OBGYN, or even the neighbor you just met, tell someone something is off. Chances are good they will listen and comfort you. Never feel like you are in it alone, whether it's the "baby blues" or postpartum depression, don't push it down and assume it's nothing.
5. Find something that is just for you
Make sure you don't lose your sense of self, because it's really easy to do. I personally took up yoga at a local studio where the teachers and I follow each other on instagram, they ask about my baby, and never make me feel bad if I haven't been there in a while. They simply offer me a place where it is quiet and for 45 minutes I only have to focus on myself in the present moment. Every mom should award themselves that luxury no matter how they choose to do it.
4. Google is your enemy
Seriously, don't google every question you have. It will inevitably tell you your baby is a leper or something equally ridiculous. Remember that every baby is different, and when all else fails, call the nurse at your pediatrician's office to get advice (I am pretty sure our nurse knows my phone number by heart at this point).
3. Cliche, but find your tribe
I know it's been said over and over, raising a child takes a village, but it's true. I would not have made it through this year without my "hot mamas" group text thread. Those women were there for me when I had questions on sleeping, when I needed to cry, when my baby had to go to the ER, and when I needed a glass of wine. They celebrate my victories with me and comfort me in the hard times. So, find yourself a group of women who will make you feel normal whether it is existing friends, a mommy and me group, or an online mommy board, just find your tribe.
2. Find neutral ground with your partner
You will hate your partner some days. You'll feel like you're carrying the load and he's off playing video games. You'll disagree on big decisions, and fairly regularly on small ones. You will snap at each other (in my case, I threw a snot sucker at his head during a particularly rough newborn night), and you will hurt each other's feelings. At some point, through all of that, you'll also fall into his arms and cry, you'll confess how hard it is and he will likely tell you it's the same for him. So, even when it's really hard try to remember you are both human, and you're in this together even if it doesn't always feel like it.
1. You are a good mom
You won't believe it no matter what, but rest assured you are a good mom. Whether you work, stay home, do part time daycare for a break, or simply rock your baby waiting for the anxiety medicine to kick in, YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. You will never be perfect (no matter how hard we all try to be), you will forget to bring a spare set of clothes to daycare, you will screw up something really big at work because you had to pick up your sick kid, you will put the baby to bed in dirty pajamas because you haven't done laundry, but you are still a good mom. You will feel exhausted, you'll look back on the days before you were a mom (often times, very fondly), you will cry- a lot, and you will feel like a total and complete failure. You will also go into your baby's room when she just woke up for the day, and see a giant grin, and she will lift her arms up for you to pick her up and give you a little snuggle - dirty pjs or not. Your baby won't know you scraped together some random fruit that hadn't gone bad for her breakfast- she'll just know you fed her. She won't know you passed out exhausted after you put her to bed, she will just know you comforted her to sleep. Your baby will not see the failures, only the love. To your baby, YOU ARE A GOOD MOM!
So, here's to you, first-time mamas! Even if you're in the miserable first 3 months, do your best to at the very least take a lot of pictures to remember how small your baby once was. I don't expect you to believe me, but you will blink and you no longer have a baby, you have a toddler.
That all being said, I have learned a lot over the past year, and in the spirit of pure honest and the sisterhood of mothers, I decided to share my personal list of top 10 things every new mom needs to hear:
10. You WILL fit into your skinny jeans again
I know you're probably sitting there 9 months pregnant and swollen everywhere, or you've just come home from the hospital somehow looking more pregnant now than you did when you peed on a stick. No matter what pre-mom-you thought, you will not be spending maternity leave working out during your newborn's naps, and you will not magically eat a super healthy diet since you no longer have the pregnancy excuse (in fact, you'll be lucky to grab a handful of cereal now and then). Relax, the weight will come off naturally, no vigorous exercise or crash diet necessary.
9. You will understand why some women shake their babies
Hopefully you fight the urge (seriously, do NOT give in!), but you'll get it. When its 3am and you've been trying to get your baby down for an hour and a half, while your partner snores in the other room and you have exhausted all soothing options, you'll get the urge. The best thing to do is wake up said partner and tap out. You will also likely cry when you process the thought that just went through your head. As long as you didn't act, though, you're normal it's all okay.
8. Suck it up and take the baby's temp rectally
It's scary. It's gross. It's really uncomfortable for everyone involved. It's also the best method, and what your pediatrician will ask you to do.
7. Whatever choice you make regarding work/staying home is the best choice
Don't let the mommy shamers get you down. You can never win with them anyway. If you want a full time, high heel wearing, corporate executive career- break that glass ceiling! If you want to stay home all day every day soaking up smiles and wiping tears - you are equally powerful. If you land somewhere between the two, you are a rockstar and a master in the art of juggling.
6. If you find yourself crying more than normal - tell someone
Whether it is your partner, your sister, your mom, best friend, OBGYN, or even the neighbor you just met, tell someone something is off. Chances are good they will listen and comfort you. Never feel like you are in it alone, whether it's the "baby blues" or postpartum depression, don't push it down and assume it's nothing.
5. Find something that is just for you
Make sure you don't lose your sense of self, because it's really easy to do. I personally took up yoga at a local studio where the teachers and I follow each other on instagram, they ask about my baby, and never make me feel bad if I haven't been there in a while. They simply offer me a place where it is quiet and for 45 minutes I only have to focus on myself in the present moment. Every mom should award themselves that luxury no matter how they choose to do it.
4. Google is your enemy
Seriously, don't google every question you have. It will inevitably tell you your baby is a leper or something equally ridiculous. Remember that every baby is different, and when all else fails, call the nurse at your pediatrician's office to get advice (I am pretty sure our nurse knows my phone number by heart at this point).
3. Cliche, but find your tribe
I know it's been said over and over, raising a child takes a village, but it's true. I would not have made it through this year without my "hot mamas" group text thread. Those women were there for me when I had questions on sleeping, when I needed to cry, when my baby had to go to the ER, and when I needed a glass of wine. They celebrate my victories with me and comfort me in the hard times. So, find yourself a group of women who will make you feel normal whether it is existing friends, a mommy and me group, or an online mommy board, just find your tribe.
2. Find neutral ground with your partner
You will hate your partner some days. You'll feel like you're carrying the load and he's off playing video games. You'll disagree on big decisions, and fairly regularly on small ones. You will snap at each other (in my case, I threw a snot sucker at his head during a particularly rough newborn night), and you will hurt each other's feelings. At some point, through all of that, you'll also fall into his arms and cry, you'll confess how hard it is and he will likely tell you it's the same for him. So, even when it's really hard try to remember you are both human, and you're in this together even if it doesn't always feel like it.
1. You are a good mom
You won't believe it no matter what, but rest assured you are a good mom. Whether you work, stay home, do part time daycare for a break, or simply rock your baby waiting for the anxiety medicine to kick in, YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. You will never be perfect (no matter how hard we all try to be), you will forget to bring a spare set of clothes to daycare, you will screw up something really big at work because you had to pick up your sick kid, you will put the baby to bed in dirty pajamas because you haven't done laundry, but you are still a good mom. You will feel exhausted, you'll look back on the days before you were a mom (often times, very fondly), you will cry- a lot, and you will feel like a total and complete failure. You will also go into your baby's room when she just woke up for the day, and see a giant grin, and she will lift her arms up for you to pick her up and give you a little snuggle - dirty pjs or not. Your baby won't know you scraped together some random fruit that hadn't gone bad for her breakfast- she'll just know you fed her. She won't know you passed out exhausted after you put her to bed, she will just know you comforted her to sleep. Your baby will not see the failures, only the love. To your baby, YOU ARE A GOOD MOM!
So, here's to you, first-time mamas! Even if you're in the miserable first 3 months, do your best to at the very least take a lot of pictures to remember how small your baby once was. I don't expect you to believe me, but you will blink and you no longer have a baby, you have a toddler.
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