March Was a Whirlwind

March has, more or less, come and gone and I'm just now catching my breath. For those that don't already know, I quit my job at Duke after 4 years, and started working at PRA International (see my last blog post for more details). In the midst of my last 4 weeks at Duke, and starting at PRA, I traveled home to Indiana for a long weekend, took a last minute trip to Arizona to see my sister, and tried to keep up with my life. It's been tough, but there's light at the end of the tunnel.

It's funny, because really I have nothing to complain about. If anyone else were complaining about getting a new job and traveling- I'd probably roll my eyes and ask them to tell me ALL ABOUT their rough life. I know. You don't have to feel sympathy, that's not what I'm asking for here.

Visiting home always seems like some relaxing oasis. I have this vision of spending a few days on the couch and hanging with my parents and just forgetting about being an adult for even a short amount of time. It's never that easy, though. While I don't have all the friends I once had back home, those that I do still have I love with all of my heart. They are my people and I work hard to see them when I can. However, 4 days doesn't leave a lot of time to see everyone and catch up the way I'd like. For those of you I got to spend time with: THANK YOU for taking the time to see me! I was so homesick and needed some time with the people who have always known me. For those of you who I, unfortunately, did not get to see: I'M SORRY AND I LOVE YOU! I hate it when I have to tell you guys that I'm too busy to see you. I wish I had more time. You still mean so much to me, and your unwavering friendship is absolutely appreciated.

I ended up booking a trip to Arizona only about 2 weeks before hopping on the plane to go. I bailed on my girlfriends here in Raleigh to spend the time with my sister. I'm happy I spent that time with Nicole. She's my best friend. She's been there through everything for me, and she probably has no idea how much I appreciated just being able to go shopping with her. I miss her a lot when she's gone for the season (I miss those kiddos, too!)- and that trip was really special to me.

I also got to see my friend Sheena when I visited AZ. Sheena and I met in 2006 when I worked at the salon in Fort Wayne. Somehow, time and distance hasn't changed our friendship. We can always pick up where we left off, and never hold it against each other when it's been a while since we last spoke. As always, I had a wonderful time with her, and probably could have spent another 4 hours at dinner and still not felt like it was enough time.

God has truly blessed me with some amazing people in my life, and I'm beyond grateful I got to spend time with a handful of them over the course of the month. It was a tough month, I was beyond stressed out and my anxiety was out of control. I needed those people to remind me who I am. It's funny how they can do that.

However, I've neglected my people here in North Carolina as a result. Between wrapping up a job, starting a new one, and traveling in between, I feel like I haven't seen anyone. I have forgotten to text people back. I've opted to fall asleep at 8pm instead of meet up and catch up. My poor boyfriend has had to put up with me being grouchy, anxious, and exhausted for a month, and my friends haven't even seen me. I want you all to know that I STILL LOVE YOU all so, so much. I am sorry I haven't been around. I want to be. I want to make more time for you all. I promise I will moving forward.

Sometimes I wonder if the balancing my "old" life and my "new" life will ever end. When will these lives merge together and just be "my life"? I feel like there is a clear divide between the people that "knew" me and the people that "know" me. Besides my family, I have very few friends that can cover both parts of my life. It's difficult sometimes, but I'm still grateful that both the old and the new play such important roles in my life, and support and love me. Even when I'm a failure of a friend, and I'm too busy for my own good.

Here's to April, may I finally have time to tell you all how much I appreciate you in person, rather than through a blog.