Why Relationships are Terrifying- As Told by a Former Ice Queen
So, as many of you know (or have stalked my profile to find out), I'm in a new relationship. I'm going to embarrass the hell out of him for a minute and tell you about him...
Meet Spencer, 29, ridiculously pretty blue eyes, great hair, fabulous beard, and an ideal height for me to wear heels around. He is a teacher here in Raleigh and also volunteers during his time off (which makes me swoon, and want to vomit at the same time.....mostly because my few days off are reserved for yoga pants and netflix). He has a cat, that looks eerily like my sweet kitten, Coco. He's in denial about being a hipster, and reads more books in a month than I probably do in an entire year (and I'm actually a reader, believe it or not).
Spencer and I met on an app called Tinder (cringe). You can think of it as a mobile "hot or not." In all honesty, the entertainment value is much higher than the quality value of this app. The odds of meeting someone who is looking for more than a hookup or the person to occasionally text/flirt with are pretty slim. But, one day at a bakery in Durham, I met this guy for the first time, and we haven't stopped laughing at ridiculous things since...
My mom and I laugh, because before Spencer, most of you know I was an ice queen. I could find something wrong with just about any man that came across my path. Seriously, nothing was off limits. Anything for me to avoid real intimacy. The idea of getting close to someone? Gross. Count me out.
Have you ever seen the Christmas movie, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"? Well, Chris Cringle himself is walking through the forest when he comes across the Winter Warlock (WW). Well, WW is kind of a dick. He's rude. However, Chris and his penguin, Topper, teach WW how to walk ("put one foot in front of the other..."). Now this makes WW a nice guy (I guess I'd be cranky too if I were an old man who never learned how to freaking walk). So as soon as he builds a relationship with Chris, the WW icy exterior melts away, and Chris says, "Mr. Warlock" to which WW responds, "Please, call me Winter."
Call this Ice Queen Winter, I guess.
So, now that I've wasted a good chunk of your time by telling you back stories the majority of you already knew- here is the point to my post. Here is the reason I've been such an ice queen:
RELATIONSHIPS ARE TERRIFYING!
I mean nevermind the entire notion that you are either going to break up with the person or marry them. There really isn't middle ground there. That's literally how relationships work. I mean that is scary enough in itself. However, the REAL scary part is not losing that person....it's losing yourself.
You all watched me crawl back from the ruins that was Ashley circa 2011. You all dealt with Ashley 2012 (who was a raging b***h and kept even her friends at arms distance). You were all there to watch the struggle and see me come out on the other side (somehow!). Nothing terrifies me more than losing myself again and facing the exact same problems.
I don't want to be the girl whose only friend is her boyfriend. That girl sucks. Seriously.
I don't want to be the girl whose only hobby is "whatever he's doing"
I don't want to be the girl who gives up her Netflix and yoga pants days to volunteer! (Okay, maybe I could do that once in a while....but let's be honest, I am who I am, people).
I am terrified every day of being the person I hate. Of reverting back to who I was. I'm so scared that all of that hard work will go to waste. I'm faced with that near-impossible balancing act of "family, friends, boyfriend, hobbies, jobs, and life" that causes people to lose themselves in the first place.
So enjoy the show, as I will inevitably push the poor guy away only to bring him back in while I try to master my tight rope act. Thankfully, I have a pretty good safety net of friends, and a freakishly understanding boyfriend, to catch me when I fall.
So it's "One foot in front of the other" for this girl right now.
Note: I've passed my crown on to my wonderful friend, Lori (click the link at the right of this page, 'Thought of the Day' to read about her journey as the new reigning Ice Queen).
Meet Spencer, 29, ridiculously pretty blue eyes, great hair, fabulous beard, and an ideal height for me to wear heels around. He is a teacher here in Raleigh and also volunteers during his time off (which makes me swoon, and want to vomit at the same time.....mostly because my few days off are reserved for yoga pants and netflix). He has a cat, that looks eerily like my sweet kitten, Coco. He's in denial about being a hipster, and reads more books in a month than I probably do in an entire year (and I'm actually a reader, believe it or not).
Spencer and I met on an app called Tinder (cringe). You can think of it as a mobile "hot or not." In all honesty, the entertainment value is much higher than the quality value of this app. The odds of meeting someone who is looking for more than a hookup or the person to occasionally text/flirt with are pretty slim. But, one day at a bakery in Durham, I met this guy for the first time, and we haven't stopped laughing at ridiculous things since...
My mom and I laugh, because before Spencer, most of you know I was an ice queen. I could find something wrong with just about any man that came across my path. Seriously, nothing was off limits. Anything for me to avoid real intimacy. The idea of getting close to someone? Gross. Count me out.
Have you ever seen the Christmas movie, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"? Well, Chris Cringle himself is walking through the forest when he comes across the Winter Warlock (WW). Well, WW is kind of a dick. He's rude. However, Chris and his penguin, Topper, teach WW how to walk ("put one foot in front of the other..."). Now this makes WW a nice guy (I guess I'd be cranky too if I were an old man who never learned how to freaking walk). So as soon as he builds a relationship with Chris, the WW icy exterior melts away, and Chris says, "Mr. Warlock" to which WW responds, "Please, call me Winter."
Call this Ice Queen Winter, I guess.
 |
| Before, with his Icy Ways |
 |
| After: "Winter" |
So, now that I've wasted a good chunk of your time by telling you back stories the majority of you already knew- here is the point to my post. Here is the reason I've been such an ice queen:
RELATIONSHIPS ARE TERRIFYING!
I mean nevermind the entire notion that you are either going to break up with the person or marry them. There really isn't middle ground there. That's literally how relationships work. I mean that is scary enough in itself. However, the REAL scary part is not losing that person....it's losing yourself.
You all watched me crawl back from the ruins that was Ashley circa 2011. You all dealt with Ashley 2012 (who was a raging b***h and kept even her friends at arms distance). You were all there to watch the struggle and see me come out on the other side (somehow!). Nothing terrifies me more than losing myself again and facing the exact same problems.
I don't want to be the girl whose only friend is her boyfriend. That girl sucks. Seriously.
I don't want to be the girl whose only hobby is "whatever he's doing"
I don't want to be the girl who gives up her Netflix and yoga pants days to volunteer! (Okay, maybe I could do that once in a while....but let's be honest, I am who I am, people).
I am terrified every day of being the person I hate. Of reverting back to who I was. I'm so scared that all of that hard work will go to waste. I'm faced with that near-impossible balancing act of "family, friends, boyfriend, hobbies, jobs, and life" that causes people to lose themselves in the first place.
So enjoy the show, as I will inevitably push the poor guy away only to bring him back in while I try to master my tight rope act. Thankfully, I have a pretty good safety net of friends, and a freakishly understanding boyfriend, to catch me when I fall.
So it's "One foot in front of the other" for this girl right now.
Note: I've passed my crown on to my wonderful friend, Lori (click the link at the right of this page, 'Thought of the Day' to read about her journey as the new reigning Ice Queen).
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